Blog 4 Dense spiritual treatise ☺

Hey Folks

Here’s an old BLOG I wrote three years ago when I was trying to keep my myspace page alive. It’s pretty intense, it’s about spirituality. I remember about 4 years before I wrote it seeing a copy of the book ‘Conversations with God’ on a friend’s coffee table and reading half a page of it. It seemed to me pretty similar to the type of conversations I was having on a daily basis on my evening walks, where I would start out talking to myself and pretty soon the quality and feeling of my thoughts and words would change and I would start to feel more like I was listening than the one talking. I never read the book as I felt at the time that it was something I could do myself so why use a middleman.
A couple of years later I found myself walking less and inspired less and I wondered if I could start writing like those evening walks and connect with that higher consciousness, or whatever it is, at will? Below is that attempt, at times perhaps forced and at times perhaps deluded and now, in my current spiritual mystification, I have no idea where its from or what its about, but that’s kind of the story of my life: I get less certain and feel less wise the older I get…

Below that it is a cool poem I wrote (maybe at the same moment)

When doing goal related activities how can I do them in a way, which is rewarding and fulfilling regardless of the outcome?

By being present to what I’m doing and by doing the activity with love.

How can I do something with love that I’m only doing in order to get a payoff?

By realizing that source energy got me in that situation through personal-gain-motivation but that source may have an entirely different and higher reason for putting me there.

But how can I put love into something that may just be a means to an end, whether it be my end or sources?

By letting the doing be the means in and of itself. Source energy creates situations that teach you valuable lessons but the activity in of itself still has relevance and value in that it is another moment of growth and evolution on earth. Also it is another moment of being alive, which is also no small wonder.

Aren’t all moment’s growth and evolution? If so why do anything that isn’t enjoyable in the present?
All things are of equal enjoyment to your essence, it is only your mind, which creates a story around your enjoyment or lack of enjoyment.
All moments have the same potential for growth and evolution but certain experiences are more conducive to realizing and materializing growth, and the events and experiences that are more conducive to these moments are different for every individual. Some things that are enjoyable in the present (say eating chocolate and watching TV) have less potential for growth than others (say creating a garden) in that they have less ability to yield future sustenance on some level, be it physical, mental, emotional, financial, spiritual or whatever

How do I know if a moment is being put in my path for growth or is just a means to an end?
No moments are just a means to an end. Any moment can be either an evolution of the soul or an enjoyable light enhancing moment. Which moment is which depends on how you chose to use it.

How can I choose to use a moment filled with boredom or anxiety that I’m spending purely chasing goals, for enjoyment or growth?
By asking yourself where the boredom or anxiety comes from, by getting present to the tasks at hand, or by deciding to enjoy the task.

I can’t enjoy what I don’t enjoy.
This is the minds story not yours. You can enjoy any sensory experience from great pleasure to intense pain. Enjoyment is the experience the body feels when chemicals like dopamine or serotonin are released in the brain. For reasons of evolution and natural selection the body and mind have developed archaic patterns of releasing these types of  chemicals to the brain in response to activities which promote the survival of the species. Having sex and eating are common activities that release these rewarding chemicals. The body can be trained to interpret other experiences as enjoyable too and will then reward these experiences with the same chemicals. It is in fact possible to train the mind to be excited by the study of grass or the programming of computers! In fact watching and manipulating digital representations of imaginary creatures kill each other has become a highly sought after sensory experience and has become so widespread as to necessitate groups to help people stop doing it!

How can I spend a large amount of time organizing, rehearsing, planning, negotiating, giving to, and investing in an activity in a way, which will leave me feeling joy and peace irrespective of the activities success?
By being open to learning and knowing that any thing I attempt to create will teach me about how to be a better creator by its success or failure.

Knowing that I might fail makes attempting to work on a project seem futile or heavy and carrying out tasks towards an end that is not dependable makes me anxious and fueled to succeed in an overwhelming way.

Fear of failure inflicts work with anxiety and stress, which actually decreases productivity and creativity. It does this biologically by reducing blood to the neo cortex (creative and problem solving brain and) and the organs concerned with digestion and regulation and by putting blood into the cerebral cortex (the defensive fighting brain) and the muscles. It also does this mentally by leaking thought energy into worrying or defensive thoughts instead of reserving mental energy for the present moment.
The reality is becoming a successful doctor is no less achievable or unavailable to you than is walking to the shops and buying a newspaper. Either activity can materialize if energy is put into it and on rare occasions either activity will be clearly unobtainable. These are often signs that; the activity being pursued is not useful for us to be pursuing or that the nature of our pursuing needs to be reexamined, our objective needs rethinking, or our approach does. In these times the brain may say “this is wasted time, I should’ve been doing it the other way all along, I’ve wasted an afternoon, a month, a year, a decade or a life!”
There’s two key things at work here one is the human tendency to make a negative story; the other is the humans anxious attachment to time.
Firstly we’ll deal with the negative story.
When you learn something you can either focus your attention on the new thing you’ve learnt or the inefficiency of past behavior due to the lessons absence. The feelings that correspond to the different focuses are clearly evident.
Being upset that you didn’t know you were a boring lover or that you’d been writing your essay on the wrong topic or that you were using the wrong word in a new language is as futile as a toddler learning to talk and then wallowing in regret that he wasn’t born speaking! The only difference is time.
Believing that we are born and live for an average of 70 years and then we die leads to a fear of time-scarcity. We live in a time-limited world and therefore want to spend our time in the most constructive, valuable and enjoyable ways we can.
We don’t want to spend 10 years studying something and then be told that the car crash we’ve had makes us unsuitable for working in that field. We don’t want to spend 20 years finding the perfect husband and father just to discover he doesn’t want kids or we’re infertile. We don’t even want to watch an hour And a half of an interesting, engaging and exciting film if we don’t like the end!
The emphasis is on outcome and not ‘the present’. Is our life only worth living if the last few minutes are happy? Isn’t it the entire life we lived what’s valuable not the last scene? and maybe more importantly “if the outcome I’m working towards were to never eventuate would I still want to be spending my time this way?”

If all that matters is the present then again why would I chose to ever do any activity that isn’t immediately rewarding right now? If I had no attachment to any future form or identity what would I do?
Why would I spend a life working and studying towards specific goals if I am unattached to the outcome of the goals and have no ultimate control of the manifestation of those goals?

Once you have lost your attachment to external forms you can chose to have whatever form-experiences you want. You can choose what forms you want in the now and what forms you want in the future. You will have no preference as to whether or not that form manifests and no resistance to whatever tasks are required in order to achieve that form. Ultimately all form-experience is equal and therefore choices are lighter and less serious. Once you are completely unattached to external forms your desire to create and manifest in forms comes not from a need to express or individuate self or to create feelings of accomplishment, purpose, peace or joy but purely as a way to spend earth time. Being that all ways of spending earth time are equally valid the criteria for choosing one form over another is based on sensory tastes and global impact awareness.

If I made all my decisions based on sensory tastes and sense gratification and self serving wouldn’t I become a pleasure-addicted mess, or impoverished, or derelict?
The senses, contrary to popular belief, have there own natural balance this means that true sensory preference will not lead to overindulgence, repetition or addiction.
Therefore sensory preference from a non-attached awake perspective is unlikely to lead to idleness or gluttony.
In human consciousness we temper or balance our sensory desires with logic and beliefs, which inhibit or restrict our participation in those sensory pleasures and enjoyments.
In awake consciousness we can follow our senses whole-heartedly as our senses themselves contain there own balance and wisdom.

Senses regularly lead people to affairs, addiction, obesity, selfishness, obsession, compulsion and insanity! How can you say that if I let go of attachment and become present I will all of a sudden naturally start desiring healthy things and my senses will get a taste for balanced experiences?
I can say this because I know it to be true and I can explain to you why. Have you ever felt a feeling of deep peace or awe or profound joy or love? At that moment did you crave food, drugs, sex? If you haven’t had those moments this answer will be unsatisfactory but you have had these moments so you intuitively understand.
When you next craved food, sex, drugs etc it was because your mind had once again taken control of you and had started to feed you signals of dissatisfaction and longing which you interpret as a desire to seek pleasure or relief through x,y,z.
It is important to note that the belief that these moments of profound love, joy, peace, surrender and acceptance etc are only temporary, fleeting and unsustainable is a lie that is perpetuated by the ego and the mind in order to keep their position as your primary informers and decision makers.
Those who are in programs of recovery from addiction, or are on diets, or have made commitments to loved ones, realize that what you are doing is profoundly important and significant. It is of the utmost importance that you hear the vibration of these words and not take any specific sentences out of context.
For a recovering addict to hear the message “my senses will lead me to balance” may be an invitation for the addict inside to stage a relapse. This is because the addict inside will cling to any excuse to stage a relapse. An addict of any type who has found a successful way of achieving balance need look no further in the act of finding balance it is only the mind-identified self and the inner addict that would feel any need to find a balance beyond balance!

If your saying that until I can achieve control over my thought process I will not be safe to follow my senses then I can agree. The problem is however that I may never achieve a constant state of non-thought or grace or profound love etc and even if I know that I one day will what use is it me knowing how to do things from a different state when I don’t get to live in that state?

This is a beautiful and perfect question and there are many teachings and techniques available to help you into achieving bliss-permanence. The reason it is useful for you to know how you will act when you get their is A) it increases your motivation to get there and b) as life is not as linear as we think, for some humans acting as though you already are enlightened, rich confident etc can be a powerful tool to achieving that state. It is no always a case of 12345 sometimes its is 15354525. So long as the journey includes eternal-peace and has intent in eternal-peace, there is no reason why the journey itself shouldn’t be filled with eternal peace.

I have found a way to be the watcher of my thoughts and to experience them as a story and not to personally identify them. I’ve also found myself watching and judging them and then realized it was my thoughts coming in through the backdoor. I’ve also had moments of my thoughts changing becoming a different quality, much more wise and loving,  lighter and more potent. But these ‘amazing’ thoughts were still my thoughts they weren’t stillness and then the voice of god. I wasn’t suddenly able to turn them off and dissolve into a void of love, they couldn’t teach me the secrets of the Lemurians and I couldn’t even turn them off, in fact as soon as I’d see them as being just another version of me and try to get to silence I would find myself back with the less quality thoughts and more confused than ever?

The answer is hard to understand with the mind but it is simple. These thoughts are not the voice of god neither are they the voice of consciousness channeled through infinite stillness. They are not the divine thoughts that become audible once the mind has become totally still but they are also not mind-identified thoughts. They are the same thoughts that many of the great artists, and writers create from. some poets like Rumi achieved enlightenment and wrote from there but most wrote from the absence of egoic thought and from the creative fount of life.
Thoughts that come from the creative fount of life are still personal and are still experienced as being part of your identity but they are an aspect so close in harmonic resonance with your true god identity that they are the perfect transitional self from which to cross the bridge.
Do not make a story of the ‘inspired thoughts’ but do not discount their value or try and judge them as inferior either. After all neither your true self as source or your egoic self as mind are of a higher or lesser quality. They are purely a different vibration with different attributes. Most people with exposure too and choice over both chose source-self as it involves higher levels of bliss, joy, love and peace. But most don’t get the choice so to even be able to sustain or experience ‘inspired thoughts’ is a huge blessing in itself.
Especially because when you are in your space of ‘inspired thoughts’ you neither desire nor require enlightenment nor begrudge the journey or the time it may take to arrive there. It is a hoodwink of the egoic self to start comparing or pining for higher states of awareness. Awareness is in fact awareness and knowing your dreaming is actually being awake. But it is also different in that involves greater choice.
Do not be disheartened that your moments of grace are short or that your inspired thoughts aren’t constant or that your not even sure you’ve achieved inspired thoughts yet. There is no rush and there is no better or worse. You are loved not only regardless of your level of awareness but in fact also because of your level of awareness.
Always remember you were born and have lived with the level of awareness you chose at birth and through life and (while most of us experience this choice as being an unconscious one) that choice was made for a sacred and profound reason. Do not be sad that you cannot un-chose it at will the way some sages and gurus can. Your journey is entirely different to theirs and just as valid and just as valuable to the planet, your species, your community, your family and your god and spirit as your greatest hero!

night time cradles at the paws of dawn
and Jesus was a profit who was never reborn
babies bear the burden of there mothers scorn
while brothers in the bedroom discovering porn
sister tore the fabric of her fathers sheet
Islam scans the internet for guns to eat
the oils in the rain in the heart of defeat
and half the world still eats meat

bobby rocked the cradle of his daddy’s gun
and Gerry’s got an ulcer and another one’
the cancer of Caroline is malignant
and everybody’s learning to run
television pedophiles and text machines
victims of abuse and food just cant get clean
everybody wants to see what Jacobs seen
but none of them been where he’s been

I eat like a parasite in flash cafes
Where business men and woman drink there gold lattes
I feel superior cause I don’t blazé
But even vegans sell their souls these days
Down beside the river theirs a leaf of hope
That fell out of the bottom of a bag of dope
And demonstrates the ability of life to cope
With all of its mirrors and smoke.

Intertwined philosophies still scratch and bite
And all the sons of Abraham still war and fight
the juvenile denial of all that light
And all of them are probably right
I walk out of classrooms into streets of flames
Where junkies and transvestites know each others names
I was on the precipice assigning blames
For all of my assaults and shames

I am not the writer just the tool that rights
And I am not the hand that feeds the mouth that bites
I am not the money in the banks of whites
Or any of those lonely nights

I assign the thunder to the thunder cloud
And I assign the power to the timeless now
I am the achievement, of which, man feels proud
And every vertebrae in his brow
And the bloodied sweat upon his brow

You come to the river like medusas son (your work is done)
And dance upon the water like a stone mason
All of us together in this golden sun
Pretending that were just human


Do what you love don’t worship money
Tell the truth, dishonesty doesn’t pave the way for light.

One Response to “Blog 4 Dense spiritual treatise ☺”

  1.  genkicat Says:

    Stay in the present, focus on the now.
    Live life for what it is and remember that everything is there for your path..

    I am a fan of Neale too..

    Thanks for sharing your stories :)

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